Some Things I did not choose…

I never asked to live in Oklahoma.

I never asked to stay put, either.

I never asked for two complicated children.

I never asked for an exceptional marriage.

I never asked for PTSD.

 

I never chose to join a cult.

I never chose life on a battlefield.

I never chose the power to hurt others.

I never chose a trashed reputation

I never chose avoidance and insults.

I never chose severe isolation

 

I miss our partnership.

I miss my friends.

I miss my family.

I miss feeling safe.

 

I used to rest.

I used to laugh.

I used to sing.

I used to please people.

I used to feel valued.

I used to warrant respect.

I used to speak freely

I used to love openly, honestly.

I used to live surrounded by forgiveness.

I used to count on friends.

I used to hold a purpose.

I used to know where I was headed.

I used to decide.

I used to enjoy life with kids.

I used to revel in marriage.

I used to host all kinds of people.

I used to feel satisfied I’d done some good now and then.

 

I did not choose to tangle with depression.

I did not choose neglect.

 

I gradually quit thinking.

I gradually quit growing.

I gradually quit loving life.

 

I hate living within a battlefield.

I hate parenting in loneliness.

I hate misogyny, and chauvinism.

I hate denying myself food.

I hate anonymity.

 

I buried my gifts.

I buried my reputation.

I buried a child.

HonorGuard

 

I buried myself.

 

(a post written earlier this year, and published on another blog of mine)

4 thoughts on “Some Things I did not choose…

  1. Hi Lisa,
    May I have your permission to post your ‘Some Things I did not choose…’ on my blog? I would like to include it in a series. I sent you a PM through FB but it doesn’t show that it is going through.

    1. Actually, since it’s on my poetry blog, not my personal one, it’s already public. I prefer you preserve it with image intact as it is.

      You could also leave a ‘distance’ disclaimer on the bottom of the post… [written long ago and first posted somewhere else:-)] My marriage presently ranks from ‘difficult’ to ‘disappointing’… there’s still a story… but historically our church proved the main escalating factor pushing it all into red-hot for dysfunction.

      Rather than anonymity, given the creative content, I’d ask for a copyright and link … use this format: /copyright/2018 by maknsweetmusic.blog

      Yeah your blog sets it more out in the open than my poetry site. But none of what’s said here is much of a secret either.

  2. PS And yes… I realize it could light a bit of firestorm … After posting a bit of abuse advocacy on my Facebook wall not so long ago, a ‘friend’ earnestly messaged me ‘You’re posting about abuse. Are you okay???”

    [Hmmmm… If you’re advocating, I suspect drama hidden inside your marriage???]

    As you know someone who’s advocating must have gotten past the worst, if they’ve experienced it at all. If I’m writing poetry… I’m on to processing and I’m enjoying a bit more safety. I hope that’s understood clearly.

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